Halloween 10

Any excuse

I’ve managed to find yet another excuse for having the garden in a state of disarray. This week I usually use the fact that it’s a school holiday to not sweep the leaves, but it’s also Halloween at the weekend so I have a few plans up my torn zombie sleeve. The ghouls and ghosts will be calling at the door demanding treats with the threat of a trick if I don’t comply. This year it’s retaliation time.

Turning the tables

The first thing to do is to keep the leaves and pile them up around the doorway (if the wind hasn’t already done it for you. Then prop some dead tree branches onto the walls. Fake cobwebs can be cast over these for added effect and a spooky face can be stuck to the door, dripping with blood. If I can be bothered I might get some fake tombstones and paper bags with LED lights in them to dimly light up the driveway.
The scariest thing that you could do to frighten the children witless when they come knocking at the door is to offer them something that isn’t filled with sugar when they hold out their expectant hands waiting for the ‘treat’. I have a simple recipe for severed eyeballs that should frighten the living daylights out of them, solely due to the fact that the main ingredients are fresh vegetables, namely cucumbers, carrots and black olives. There is a dollop of cream cheese to stick everything together in there too. They will look sweet and tempting under creepy low lighting and should get a reaction when they are put into the excited child’s mouth. If I am feeling generous I could always make up some bloody worms made from thinly sliced hotdog sausages, but where would the fun be in that for me, they would probably enjoy those? I could always try and fashion dog poo shapes by mixing weetabix and water together and leaving them on the driveway. Actually, as an afterthought, only make things you are happy to clean up off windows in the morning. Even fruit can be a bit messy.

Pumpkin fun

There are creepy things that could be made with pumpkins too. We grew some deep orange coloured ones this year for hollowing out, but unfortunately we ate all of the regular shaped ones. All we have left are a few very irregular looking ones that look as though they have been deflated and are too small to hollow out. I think the main problem this year was that we didn’t nip off the growing shoot of the plants. They produced lots of small specimen pumpkins instead of a few large ones that would have been suitable for the seasonal purpose of carving. The resulting plant growth of the pumpkin plants has made its way up the decking steps and towards the house, which I suppose is creepy enough in itself. All is not lost though, we’ve taken to dressing one of the small pumpkins up with an ‘Anonymous’ mask (It’s an image of Guy Fawkes from the film V for Vendetta. If you don’t know Anonymous ask your computer savvy teenagers who they are) and a trilby hat. It looks very dapper, but scary it isn’t.

Here’s a tip for you if you don’t fancy illuminating your pumpkin. Smear petroleum jelly around the hollowed out inside, this stops it from drying out. Instead of putting the candles inside, pop in a potted carex grass, leaving the long fine leaves to cascade from the top. It looks great in the daylight, just like real hair. There are other plants you could pot up; chrysanthemums are in full bloom at this time of year. For an instant display of colour try putting cuttings from berried twigs like pyracantha into jars. Holly is bursting with berries this year; sprigs of these would look great coming out of the pumpkin head. Scatter colourful leaves around the pumpkin base for added effect.

If my trip into Derry was anything to go by recently, this Halloween is promising to be one of the grandest yet. Every other shop seems to be selling Halloween costumes and accessories; it’s keeping their economy going. With just a bit of effort and a few chopped pieces of vegetables we can give the door knocking kids a night to remember without spending a fortune. And being realistic, I’m probably scary enough to most young children without having to put on a mask.

Out of Room

Digging in the dirt

We ran out of room in the veggie patch this year. I’m not sure why really as we more or less grew the same things as the previous years. Maybe it was the extra large pumpkins that took up the room, or the weeds. Whatever the reason for the lack of space, I have decided to expand.
Acting impulsively I sift through this week’s edition of the Dealer to see who is selling topsoil, a vital commodity in my expansion plans as we really don’t have a surplus in our own garden. The collapse of the building industry in this recession has caused a huge rise in the price of topsoil. At the height of the boom all you had to do was to flag down a passing tractor and trailer carrying a load and they would drop it off at the house for nothing. Good quality topsoil now appears to be trading on the world markets alongside gold. The price seems to be around 150-200 euro per 20 tonne so if you can get a good quality load free of stones and couch grass, it’s not too bad. I opt for the most local supplier just down the road from us and prepare a space for the delivery.

A load of sheeting

As I am attempting to do this on a budget I manage to scrounge some black plastic sheeting to put on the ground. The load arrives; the sheeting on the ground soon gets covered, and more of the ground besides. The resulting pile also manages to block out the sun. It’s big, very big.
I’m very pleased with the soil. It’s got a good mix of silt, sand, clay and small stones. The field that it came from had been well limed and regularly top dressed with sand and manured on an annual basis. I pay the money to the friendly farmer. I spend the next thirty minutes just standing and looking at the giant heap, wondering what I have let myself in for.

On a budget

Again, because I am trying to do this on a budget, I have managed to get some used coal bags to put the soil into for easy storage and to move it to the new raised beds when they are in place. After covering most of the pile with more plastic to keep the weeds from germinating, I set about shovelling the soil into the bags. I soon realise that, although the soil is very loose and top notch, it does have more stones in it that I first thought. It also has old roots and couch grass. It will be grand for the subsoil at the base of the raised beds but not really fine enough for the surface. I don’t like rummaging through stones in the veggie patch and carrots certainly don’t like them so a cunning plant is needed. It’s time to be inventive. When I worked for the council I was once given the job of sieving 70 tonnes of soil, it needed to be fine enough for a top dressing on the bowling greens. I remember the giant sieve I used, so I need to replicate one of those.

Making a soil sieve

I pop to the Co-op to see what they have in stock. I was thinking of getting wire mesh with holes about 1” square, but after looking at it I realise that size would be too big for the job and let too many stones in. They have some strong metal mesh that has holes to about half an inch but it is too heavy for the job, it’s made to clean sheep’s hooves as they walk over it. I have about given up when I come across some fine mesh used for strengthening concrete. It’s just what I need and only costs 5 euro for a sheet 2’6” wide by 8’ long. My budget can stretch to that.
The first thing I do is divide the mesh in two, so I am left with a sheet only 4’ in length and one spare piece of the same size. I then sandwich one of the sheets in between lengths of 2”x1” planks of wood and screw them tightly together, which holds the mesh in place. The finished product is sturdy and sits well leant up against the wheel barrow at a 45 degree angle. When I shovel the soil onto the mesh, the stones fall to the ground in front of me and the sieved soil goes through and makes a neat pile that resembles finely sifted flour.
A resounding success I think. Now as I am the ideas man, all I need is for someone to do all of the hard work for me. Any volunteers?

Autumn

The Autumn Garden

I was wandering around a local DIY shop this week having a look to see what new innovations have appeared recently. I’m always amazed at the ingenuity of people when it comes to making our lives that little bit easier in the garden. Of course a majority of things are pointless or you could make your own, and probably already do, for less. Recycled rubber on the other hand might be a bit fiddly to produce as you would need a shredder a little bit bigger than the ones used for chopping your twigs into compostable bits. Or would you? Maybe I can dig out some old car mats and have a go at creating some rubber mulch. I notice one company have formed their old tyre shreds into large circles with a hole in the centre and a slit through one half of the diameter. The shredded rubber has been glued together and then painted green and can be used as a permanent weed block mulching mat around your trees in the garden. They would be quite helpful for me as I tend to get a bit too close to the bark with my strimmer, so I just leave the couch grass to grow in an untidy manner around the stump. It’s amazing how easily a young tree can be killed with over zealous strimming.

Astro turf decking

Another new twist on an old product is decking planks inlaid with green astro turf. You can now have your decking to look like a lawn. I laid a few of them out in the shop to see the results and I was quite impressed (you are talking to someone right at the end of the grass cutting season though, ask me again in spring and I’ll tell you something totally different). What they would look like after a few years though after the sun has been on them I wouldn’t like to guess. Maybe they are not quite as long lived as the planks on their own.

No gadgets, just simple gardening

Novelties and new inventions aside, there are always loads of traditional gadget free things to be getting on with in the autumn garden.

• If you are like me and wear gloves most of the time it might be a good idea to get them washed and dried. They tend to get dirty at this time of year. If any of them have holes or tears, throw them into the compost bin. Many a cut finger comes from thinking the protection is there when it isn’t
• Have a look at your potted plants outside. You might find it’s time to redirect some of them to the compost heap. Any long lived perennials or shrubs could be repotted. The garden centres are stocking their winter pansies now if you need to replace anything.
• Trim back any ornamental trees that are getting too big. They have a habit of growing when we’re not looking – suddenly they’re much bigger than we thought. Assess each tree to decide whether it’s shading other plants too much, blocking light to the lawn or spreading where it shouldn’t. Options include removing lower branches to raise the canopy, pruning some branches to thin out the canopy and even removing the tree altogether. Fertilise the trees with some slow acting bonemeal. If the tree is too big already get in the professional tree surgeons.
• It’s always a good time of year to make a compost bin. Summer gives us grass clippings and autumn gives us fallen leaves. If you want a simple method of composting fill up old dustbin liner bags with the leaves adding a pint or two of water, tie securely and put them in a safe place out of the way behind the shed. Next year they will have rotted down and can be added to the garden as a mulch or soil improver.
• Autumn is a great time to do some rearranging in the garden. The days might be cooler but the soil is still warm. Most evergreen shrubs and perennials, as well as strappy clumping plants, will transplant happily, but leave deciduous plants until they are bare later in the year. Try to keep the top of the root ball level with the soil when you replant, and water well, even if it’s raining. Seaweed liquid fertiliser is an excellent tonic for transplants.

More jobs in brief

• Take hardwood cuttings of deciduous shrubs, including forsythia, philadelphus and weigela.
• Plant clematis and secure to supports.
• Cut back rose bushes by about one-third to help them withstand winter winds. Use the prunings as hardwood cuttings.
• Divide and replant overcrowded clumps of tough-rooted perennials such as hostas and hardy geraniums.
• Continue to plant bulbs, such as Iris, daffodils and tulips, for early spring flowering.
• Lift dahlias as soon as the foliage starts to yellow, or after the first frost, and store tubers.
• Sow sweet peas in a sunny, sheltered site for early flowering.
• Plant out wallflowers, Campanula medium, forget-me-nots and bellis daisy plants for spring.
As you are doing some of the autumn clean up jobs, take a look around to see what areas can be improved upon next year. If your mind wanders further and you come up with inventive new ideas for making the gardener’s life a bit easier, let me know, maybe we can have our innovations on the garden centre shelves next year.

Puppy Love

“Your dog is definitely pregnant.” We have just been to Dublin and our dog has been boarding with a friend. “Her nipples are really distended,” she continues.
‘Yikes. ’It is not a complete surprise. Julie and I have been discussing whether or not the dog is pregnant after she disappeared for a couple of hours during her season a month ago. It’s a classic case of denial – we don’t want her to be therefore she isn’t. But reality is now hitting us in the face and I am feeling a bit of a fool.
“Well, you know how it is. When you see something every day, you are not aware of changes.” I am mumbling a weak excuse for not noticing the dog’s condition.
Looking back I realise that I noticed that something was different when Chips (the dog) came back from her escapade. She took to carrying a little ball with her everywhere. She was jumping on the furniture (preferably our bed) anytime you took your eye off her and although she didn’t put on too much weight (she was always super-skinny), her nipples did look a little bigger.
The next morning I book Chips into the vet. I used to think that female dogs needed to have a season before they could be spayed. At one time vets would have recommended this as it was seen to be healthier for the dog as it got older. Now this thinking has been reversed and it is recommended to get your dog spayed before their first season.
Now they tell me.

Shaved

The vet takes Chips into her operating room whilst my lad and I wait anxiously for news. A head appears around the doorway. “Is it OK if we shave your dog?” the vet asks. “Sure,” I say and a vision of the dog coming out like a mole dances in front of my eyes. “We just need to shave a bit of her fur away for the scan,” she explains. The vision disintegrates.
‘Can we see the scan?’ The nurse calls us into the room and shows us the image on a screen. “There is just one pup that we can see.” She points to the screen and we can make out a skeleton and a pulsating kidney bean that we are told is the heart beat. It looks big. “Of course there could be more hiding behind this one.” The vet is giving us her diagnosis. “It will be about 2 or 3 weeks. You might need to bring her in when she is whelping to have a caesarean, as she is having a very large pup.”

The birth

One week later, Julie goes into the kitchen at 5am. Chips is acting strangely. She is very unsettled. ‘I think the pup is coming,’ I say as I get out of bed and pull on a jumper. Chips is being very relaxed about the whole affair. She is sitting on her favourite seat with Julie and I holding a paw each and telling her she is doing well. She makes a few straining motions, I run around getting towels and water for some reason, old sitcoms have a lot to answer for. We have done a bit of homework on doggie births on the internet over the week and one site suggested that if a dog is only having one pup this gives the baby loads of space to stretch out and will look bigger on the scan. We are hoping for a natural birth. I don’t want to get the vet out of bed to do an emergency operation unless it is absolutely necessary. Not only because it would cost a fortune but the baby would need feeding every two hours after the first week as the milk would dry up. Our fingers are crossed and we hope Mother Nature knows what she is doing.
The internet suggests giving a whelping dog vanilla ice cream. The article mentions calcium for the birth and sugar for an energy boost. It also suggests taking the dog for a walk in the yard to get the pup in the right position and help move things along. I cut a slice of ice cream into cubes and hand feed them to Chips who, although slightly distracted, eats them all up after only a moment’s hesitation. I put a new battery in the torch and out we go into the night air; Chips, as ever, charging ahead, eager for some action.

Cut short

At the top of the drive I shine the torch toward the dog. ‘Oh my God, the pup is coming out.’ With no effort the pup slides out smoothly, landing on the drive. ‘Thank God it didn’t fall down the cattle grid’, I am thinking as I pull off my jumper, carefully picking up the newest edition to the family. Julie runs to get the boys and they leap out of bed in a way they never do for school. The newborn pup is carried triumphantly back inside followed by a very pleased and eager mother, wagging her tail and all business.
Into the bed set up in a quiet corner, the mother and pup settle down while we all gaze down at the wee cutie as it squirms about trying to find a teat. The children are happy to see what our newest family member looks like and I am delighted that we didn’t have to call the vet.