A bag of trouble
I’m at a local DIY shop getting some plastering finish for a wall (This week I’m pretending to be a plasterer). The 25kg bag that I wanted is unfortunately still on a pallet, shrink wrapped and six feet up in the air on a large shelf. I was going to jump on the mobile stairs that are for workers only but thought I would conform and ask a member of staff to get a bag down for me. “I can’t do that” the shop assistant said, “The pallets are wrapped up with cling film and I can’t take the cover off.” Shop keep continued.
“How about cutting it with a Stanley knife then and passing me down a bag?” I asked helpfully.
“We are not allowed to use Stanley knives,” came the reply.
“How about getting the forklift then and lower the pallet to the ground and then we can draw on it with crayons” I said wishing I hadn’t.
“We can’t use the forklift in the shop whilst members of the public are in.” I was getting nowhere.
“OK, I said, seeing as I am the only person in the place, how about if I stand well back, pretend I am not here then you get the forklift and then get the pallet down?”
“Wait here a minute” The shop assistant moved over to the tannoy system and summoned a member of staff who had a fluorescent jacket with the words ‘Health and Safety’ written on the back. Now we are getting somewhere I thought.
The health and safety officer looked at me, then the pallet in the air, then me again and said “I’ll be back”
Fifteen minutes passed and I was getting a bit fed up looking at trowels and thinking I ought to stick to gardening instead of trying to plaster a wall, when I heard an intermittent beeping sound coming in the distance and getting closer. I peeped around the end of the isle and saw the forklift coming towards me with its hazard lights flashing brightly on the roof. The driver was beeping the horn and in front of the forklift there were two more members of staff walking slowly in my direction. As I stood to one side ( as I promised I would) three more members of staff became apparent behind the machine all walking with military precision. I make that seven members of staff all here to help me get one bag of plaster finish. Must be some kind of record and taking wages into consideration they are definitely on a loser with this sale.
“I’ve changed my mind,” I said jokingly “can you split a bag for me instead I only want a spoonful.”
The staff were too preoccupied to react (either that or it was a rubbish joke).
Crowd Control
As the forklift went to work, five members of staff with the glowing jackets stood with their back towards me as if they were practicing crowd control, well they were I suppose, if you count me as a crowd. I peeped over their shoulder to watch the one tonne pallet with 20 bags on it slowly move to ground level. The operator then removed the empty pallet from the display area (complete with one single ripped bag) and moved it into the centre of the isle then deftly placed the full pallet in its place.Crowd control followed the forklift back into the distance in a sombre procession whilst the remaining sales person tore open the shrink wrap with his bare hands and offered me the bag.
Success, twenty minutes and at considerable inconvenience I had my one bag of finish to play with. I put it on my trolley and attempted to steer it to the checkout.
I couldn’t help thinking that the shop also had one rather dangerously placed pallet in the centre of an isle with a burst bag on it that everyone seemed to forget about. My guess is that there is an eighth member of staff hiding in the wings ready to check up what’s been going off and put everything right when no-one’s looking.
I didn’t have time to hang around any longer to see if someone appeared. I was preoccupied with the wobbly wheeled trolley. I thought technology would have rectified that problem by now. I wonder if there’s anyone in customer services I could tell?
