Halloween 10

Any excuse

I’ve managed to find yet another excuse for having the garden in a state of disarray. This week I usually use the fact that it’s a school holiday to not sweep the leaves, but it’s also Halloween at the weekend so I have a few plans up my torn zombie sleeve. The ghouls and ghosts will be calling at the door demanding treats with the threat of a trick if I don’t comply. This year it’s retaliation time.

Turning the tables

The first thing to do is to keep the leaves and pile them up around the doorway (if the wind hasn’t already done it for you. Then prop some dead tree branches onto the walls. Fake cobwebs can be cast over these for added effect and a spooky face can be stuck to the door, dripping with blood. If I can be bothered I might get some fake tombstones and paper bags with LED lights in them to dimly light up the driveway.
The scariest thing that you could do to frighten the children witless when they come knocking at the door is to offer them something that isn’t filled with sugar when they hold out their expectant hands waiting for the ‘treat’. I have a simple recipe for severed eyeballs that should frighten the living daylights out of them, solely due to the fact that the main ingredients are fresh vegetables, namely cucumbers, carrots and black olives. There is a dollop of cream cheese to stick everything together in there too. They will look sweet and tempting under creepy low lighting and should get a reaction when they are put into the excited child’s mouth. If I am feeling generous I could always make up some bloody worms made from thinly sliced hotdog sausages, but where would the fun be in that for me, they would probably enjoy those? I could always try and fashion dog poo shapes by mixing weetabix and water together and leaving them on the driveway. Actually, as an afterthought, only make things you are happy to clean up off windows in the morning. Even fruit can be a bit messy.

Pumpkin fun

There are creepy things that could be made with pumpkins too. We grew some deep orange coloured ones this year for hollowing out, but unfortunately we ate all of the regular shaped ones. All we have left are a few very irregular looking ones that look as though they have been deflated and are too small to hollow out. I think the main problem this year was that we didn’t nip off the growing shoot of the plants. They produced lots of small specimen pumpkins instead of a few large ones that would have been suitable for the seasonal purpose of carving. The resulting plant growth of the pumpkin plants has made its way up the decking steps and towards the house, which I suppose is creepy enough in itself. All is not lost though, we’ve taken to dressing one of the small pumpkins up with an ‘Anonymous’ mask (It’s an image of Guy Fawkes from the film V for Vendetta. If you don’t know Anonymous ask your computer savvy teenagers who they are) and a trilby hat. It looks very dapper, but scary it isn’t.

Here’s a tip for you if you don’t fancy illuminating your pumpkin. Smear petroleum jelly around the hollowed out inside, this stops it from drying out. Instead of putting the candles inside, pop in a potted carex grass, leaving the long fine leaves to cascade from the top. It looks great in the daylight, just like real hair. There are other plants you could pot up; chrysanthemums are in full bloom at this time of year. For an instant display of colour try putting cuttings from berried twigs like pyracantha into jars. Holly is bursting with berries this year; sprigs of these would look great coming out of the pumpkin head. Scatter colourful leaves around the pumpkin base for added effect.

If my trip into Derry was anything to go by recently, this Halloween is promising to be one of the grandest yet. Every other shop seems to be selling Halloween costumes and accessories; it’s keeping their economy going. With just a bit of effort and a few chopped pieces of vegetables we can give the door knocking kids a night to remember without spending a fortune. And being realistic, I’m probably scary enough to most young children without having to put on a mask.